I'm shaking and crying because this month has been the worst and now it's almost over and I don't know why I'm feeling so bad but it's kind of cathartic I guess. I hope I see it that way soon because right now it just feels like I'm being stabbed all over my body and I can't make it stop.

In the month of May, 2013:

• My estranged sister Brooke passed away from brain cancer none of us knew she had, and when we found out it was too late. It was probably too late from the start they said but that doesn't make me feel better about it.
• My best friend in the whole world, Kristin, committed suicide.
• My first cousin was hit by a car and died on the scene, she was one of the few people I was close with besides my dead best friend. Her funeral is tomorrow and until a few hours ago I thought I'd finally be able to go formally say goodbye to someone I've lost but that's not the case anymore. Her name was Lily and she was so close to my age it hurts to think about.

That's just the really bad stuff, there's other bad stuff but it's not worth mentioning. I was so ready for this month to be over so I could move on but now I feel like I've placed all my energy into making this month horrible on my own terms that I don't think I'm ready for June. There's only a few hours left in May and I'm afraid for it to be midnight because that means I have to feel better.

I'll write more when I'm more coherent.

Love,
Katy